Live in the past, no time like the future

Oh, wait. It's supposed to be 'present', like the things I got for my birthday last week.

Aka mainly booze. To which, adult birthdays rock.

You've heard it all. Stop & smell the roses. Be in the now. Carpe diem!

It’s FEBRUARY 2022. That is absolutely disgusting. Thankful to have made it here but yeesh. Time really did that to us huh?

Time is so bizarre. It crawled by in the weeks during serious lockdown. It skated by during those first nights out (well, let’s be honest. I live in Dallas and for better and for worse was not under harsh lockdown conditions during the vast majority of the pandemic, so my going out social life didn’t suffer too much, not to worry.)

While we’re on PTO, we think about that presentation for the big-name client looming in the coming weeks. And when in office (or whatever makeshift WFH situation you’ve got going on), we think about, well, retirement. (I had a period over the pandemic where I wasn’t working and I’m telling you I will legitimately never retire. But that’s what I hear people think about when they work.)

Our world today is so fast paced that is it quite literally impossible to keep up.

If you blink twice, your main pair of jeans are now out of style, something regularly in your diet is now considered unhealthy, and another one of your favorite actors is getting cancelled.

And yet, while everything externally is moving forward at a lightning speed, our brains are somehow preoccupied with the weight of our past baggage. Past shortcomings, regrets, whatever they may be, really take a hold on our minds and haunt us like no other.

I'm a dreamer. I have so many things I wanna do in this life, I'll have to live to at least 100. That said, my head isn't constantly in the clouds, but I am thinking about what's to come more often than what's right in front of me.

But so often, the best things in life are right in front of us. That decadent slice of New York style cheesecake. People embracing in the airport pickup line. When the sun finally peeks out from the clouds.

So… why is it so difficult to be present?

1. Our society has the attention span of a gnat.

I recently watched the Explained (holler if you love these) docuseries talking about the Mind. As a mid twenty-something who's been working from home for about a year and half now (and is self-admittedly not great at it,) the episode How To Focus smacked me in the face.

No shock that, yes- sustaining our attention is harder than ever these days. We're terrible listeners, over-medicated for ADHD. We decide to click out of a video if the ad is longer than 5 seconds, and scroll on if we're not instantly entertained.

I sat at a Blues vs Stars hockey game here in Dallas the other month (Let's freaking go Blues, we won 4-1 nbd.) And I LOVE the Blues. I love hockey. I was so happy to be there.

However, no one scored in the first period and I found myself.... losing? Interest?? Watching one of my favorite teams in one of my favorite sports on a beautiful night with a Mickey (Michelob Ultra for the uncultured folk) in hand???

Hell, even pre-iPhone without the universe at our fingertips, Hugo Gernsback even said in 1925 -

"Perhaps the most difficult thing that a human being is called upon to face is long, concentrated thinking."

In an overexhausted society, simply focusing on the task at hand is now daunting. Whether it's meeting a project deadline, meditating, or listening to a friend's rant, it's not easy to quiet and direct the mind.

Our cluttered, chaotic brains must look like a box of a hundred balls haphazardly bouncing around.

Maybe they're labeled "did I turn off the coffee pot", "why has the collagen in my smoothies not made me look like Jen Anniston yet" or "I should've said something to that cute guy at the grocery store yesterday", but probably only 2 actually relevant to something in that moment.

So congrats, I guess, if you've read this far!

2. Negativity stings more than positivity heals.

I may not remember the compliments my boss gave me in our 1 on 1 last week but I sure as hell remember getting rejected by a hot shot football player in high school.

Sure, that donut shop around the corner that's ruled the block for 50 years could be the best thing since sliced bread, but it takes one bad Google review to put a dent in that reputation.

I'm not the biggest of reality TV fans, but like most women (and the cool men) in America, I dig the Bachelor. And of course, I root for the drama.(the good drama, this shrimp BS happening now in Clayton's season is just dumb).

Hell I'm almost comfortable in negative circumstances (to which, that's a whole other thing to unpack, thank you therapy).

And that's on evolution -

"Earlier in human history, paying attention to bad, dangerous, and negative threats in the world was literally a matter of life and death. Those who were more attuned to danger and who paid more attention to the bad things around them were more likely to survive."

The devil works hard but that negative bias works harder. It's not a wonder why we hesitate when things are going almost too good.

Most of my girlfriends are single (bless) and it's a ball to exchange dating stories.

These things commonly happen - 1. My girlfriend tries to stifle her excitement out of fear of heartbreak and 2. She starts collecting red flags (sometimes valid) and 3. As she's dating this guy, she's naturally more inclined to shares the bad over the good.

Bad news sells. But good news is all around, just is a bit harder for our brains to find.

3. The grass is always greener and apparently blossoming with flowers.

One of my very favorite quotes of all time (and something I should probably get tattooed multiple times on my body so that one of these days it actually, ya know, sinks in.) -

"Comparison is the thief of joy" - Theodore Roosevelt

We live in a world wherein we can scroll through good, better, and best at the tip of our fingertips. Partners, houses, jobs, clothes.

Thoughts about improvement and growth are great, but if we're constantly fixated on upgrading everything in our lives, that ain't it.

I was listening to a Girl's Gotta Eat podcast from a few weeks ago, and Ashley mentioned how her parents kept their tupperware from when they got married because it works fine for them. Just simply being satisfied with what they have.

Simple fact of the matter is, yes - someone is always going to be more successful than you. More beautiful, smarter, stronger.

And the funny thing about this is, their grass is typically the same color as yours (unless it's the evil step mom's lawn in A Cinderella Story)

Everybody is so comfortable boasting about the pretty things in their life, but not so much the real things. To actually talk about what's going on behind the scenes.

But when you peel the curtains back, everyone has their crap. (Yes, even that annoyingly perfect person that just came to mind for you does.)

....

Although not easy (clearly, you knew that before you read, I'm just thinking about the whys here kids), I hope you try your very hardest to be an active participant in your present.

Because I've felt like this year has already flown by (vast majority of you will probably disagree with me on that, but hey that's my subconscious Aquarius need to be unique). I will say, January was a hell of a month. Some of my astrologically intuitive girlfriends tell me all the things were in retrograde, so we'll chalk it up to that.

But I sit here in the present, smiling while looking out at the snow, (my Midwest is showing) with my dog who is more beautiful than I will ever be, fresh off a new move, 25, never knowing who I am or what I want better than right now.

Turns out, taking in the present feels pretty damn good. It's not always gonna feel good, but it's so empowering to let yourself truly be in the thick of one you're in.

Your presence is a present, and the present is a present. (How many times can I say the word present before this is over).

Live in the now, because there's no time like the present.

Cheers, B